It’s been a while since I’ve blogged. There’s been so much going on in life that I haven’t felt motivated to put my thoughts on paper. It takes too much effort to try to sort through all the chaos and try to make sense of things. I have more questions than answers. More doubts than it seems my faith can overcome. Right now life exhausts me.
What happened to us nearly a year ago is happening all over again. This time not to us, but to those close to us. We watch in horror as the same fate we faced not too long ago becomes their reality. They now join us in this unwanted club of walking through the valley. The future uncertain; the hurt very raw; the pain too fresh to mention without it awakening a whole bunch of other emotions that when left to themselves would be considered uncivilized and most certainly not very “Christian”…whatever that’s supposed to mean.
It’s like I’m living in a battlefield and I’m surrounded by wreckage and ruins. Not of buildings and structures but of people’s lives. I understand what this new wave of casualties is going through because we once stood exactly in the same spot. Our footprints haven’t even faded and now they stand where we once stood. Disbelief. Hurt. Anger. Sadness. Uncertainty.
And I wish I could speak into their pain. To offer some words of wisdom or hope. To tell them that everything will be okay. That it’s going to be alright. That there is a light at the end of the tunnel and things will most certainly get better. Just hope. Have faith. Don’t stop believing.
But I can’t.
Not because I don’t want to, but because I’m still right there with them living that same awful nightmare that you wish you could wake up from. I don’t know how things are going to end up for myself. Things may get better, and then again, they may not. And if they do get better, it sure beats me on when that glorious day will come.
But as I lay awake in bed the other night, this verse came to mind:
When I am afraid, I will trust in You.Psalm 56:3
On the drive to school, I talked to the kids about this verse and we had a long discussion about it. We talked about things they are afraid of. The dark, monsters under their beds, having to make new friends, getting a bad grade on the spelling test we forgot to study for (which thankfully got postponed until next week)! We talked about how some of the things we are afraid of may not even be real like there aren’t really any monsters under the bed.
And then we talked about how when we are afraid we can trust in God. We can trust in God because He is real. He loves us. He provides and protects us.
And then 7 year old said, “We can trust God because He is eternal and transcendent”. This is something she learned at school, so I can take no credit for this. But I thought she was just spouting off words so I probed further, “Do you know what eternal means?
“It means God will always be with us,” was her reply.
God is always with us. Even when your world is crashing around you and your eyes are swollen from tears. He’s with you. And God is transcendent. It means He is beyond space and time. Even though we don’t know what the future will bring, God knows.
And that is why, when I am afraid I can trust in God. When all of life is uncertain and messy, I can trust Him because He is with us and He knows.