I was not looking forward to today. In fact, I couldn’t sleep last night because I knew what today meant. It meant change, leaving the past behind and moving forward. I hesitated to get out of bed, but these lyrics kept on coming to mind:
Just take one step closerYou’re Gonna Be Okay by Jenn Johnson
Put one foot in front of the other
You’ll get through this
Just follow the light in the darkness
You’re gonna be okay
Because of our upcoming move, we’ll have to say “goodbye” to a place that has been our home church for the past year. If you know anything about our lives, finding a church has been a long process. A lot of hurt, fear and mistrust from past experiences has made it hard for us to settle down and call a church home. But we found a place that loved our family, healed hurts, graciously provided for our everyday needs and became our church family. It was place full of hugs and high fives, where our oldest publicly declared her faith in Christ through water baptism, and where we learned to let other people into our lives and just love on us.
It was a long drive to begin with, but we felt the long commute was worth being a part of a community of like-minded believers. But now with this move, it will put us further out in the opposite direction of the church.
My heart was crushed.
Here we are…again, in search of a new church. Suffice it to say, I didn’t care where we went this morning. I was just going to show up.
One foot in front of the other.
We arrived. The people were gracious and kind. They didn’t know the flood of tears I was holding back; that I didn’t really want to be there; that my heart longed to be somewhere else.
But Jesus saw me. He overwhelmed me with His presence. All throughout the service He reminded me of His love, His goodness, His mercy and grace.
One of the songs we sang had these words that broke me:
Yes I willYes I Will by Vertical Worship
Sing for joy when my heart is heavy.
The worship leader shared how just as David chose to worship God in Psalm 34, we also have a choice.
So this morning I made the choice to sing for joy even though my heart was heavy; even though I’m in the lowest valley; even though it’s not supposed to be this way. I chose to put one foot in front of the other.